Wednesday, 20 June 2012

Where I am at.....

Sat Nam,

It's been six months or more since my last post.  I am not brilliant at this!  I have found it very challenging indeed, to keep a journal at the best of times is hard for me.  To keep a blog seems nearly impossible.  But here I am again, blogging to the world.

So what's been happening?  Life has had its ups and downs as with all of us.  It's been a turbulent start to 2012 but I think that it's leveling out a bit for me.

I did some more Kundalini Yoga teacher training back in March and the meditation associated with the training has had a HUGE impact on me!  Yep a HUGE impact!  The training was called Conscious Communications - in a nutshell finding a common notion that you and others can work from and being truthful in all aspects of that communication.

I am not always truthful with myself and this is the biggest learning I have had to date.  I pretend to be ok with everything when underneath I don't feel that way.  During the 90 days of meditation that I have just completed I was challenged on many levels.  I first noticed it in my dreams.  The dreams I was having scared me and I felt fearful much of my waking time but didn't know why.  I felt a little like life would be easier if I wasn't here.  The suicidal feelings scared me even more.... I haven't had them for a long time but having them surface again was not good.  I then started to see what life would be like for the people around me if I wasn't here.  In the past I've always just accepted that they would be better off without me.  This is the first time I've actually looked at the reality of what would happen for them.  It was heartbreaking to say the least.  I spent about a month pondering my life and death, continuing the dreadful meditation that I felt was sending me crazy.

It was about the 45-50 day mark that I realised what had been happening, that I was having insight into my actual crazy thoughts and realising that they were not the real deal.  That these thoughts were not me and I was not my thoughts.  Wow!.... there was something in this but I still wasn't sure of what it was.  I'm not sure if I know now but at least I got through the "do I live do I die" thing without upping my medication and without causing too much suffering to me or those around me.  This is a HUGE step for me.

I continued the meditation.  By the way it's called Breaking the Mask.  I was uncovering things about me that I never knew were there.  I discovered that I really don't value myself or what I offer the world.  I am learning slowly that it's ok to ask for payment for the yoga, teaching and services that I give.  I am learning that it's ok to say no, instead of saying yes to everyone who asks me for something.  I am learning to look after myself first rather than putting everyone and everything else before me.  It's still a hard thing for me to do as my first inclination is to give and I don't want to stop this but I need to give when it is truly needed and I feel ok about it.

I have finally finished the meditation and feel much relief about that.  The dreams are still there but not as often, so I think they were associated with the meditation.  The feeling of living is very strong.  I love my life and I love what I do and I love the people around me..... so why would I give it all up?

Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Blissful, Beautiful and full of Grace

When I first discovered Kundalini yoga, I was living in Sydney and working at one of the Big 5 Accounting Firms specialising in IT project work. My work was my life and I worked very hard at being who I was. Some months earlier I was involved in a motor cycle accident and found that my life had changed as I couldn’t work as hard and I was slowly becoming depressed and resentful that I was unable to achieve the standard that I had previously in my work. I was desk bound and hated it.

I had never thought of changing my working environment. I loved being a project manager, I loved IT and I loved working hard and achieving in this role. I worked with a team of very hard working IT professionals and deadlines that were expected each day, week and month for the business and for clients. As I worked hard, I also played hard. But the one thing I had no time for was myself. I was driven and knew where I was heading. Until that day when I was stopped by a truck…..

My life took a whole new direction. I could no longer keep up. My job became nearly impossible for me to do….. the stress I had previously thrived on just made me anxious and depressed. I couldn’t meet deadlines. It was as though my whole life had been altered. I really didn’t know what to do or how to find out what to do. The recovery from my injury was taking months and it seemed as though I wasn’t getting any better. And then I was retrenched…. All of a sudden I had no identity, my job was gone. I was lost, scared and in pain….physically and mentally.

This is when a friend of mine ask me to do yoga. Reluctantly I took some classes. I tried many different types of yoga and finally found Kundalini Yoga. Something happened to me in that first class. I don’t want to say that it changed me but something profound happened. On a physical level I felt no pain for the first time in 18 months. The practice touch me in another way. I felt connected to something greater than me. I felt connected probably for the first time ever.

Kundalini yoga is a practice that is completely unique, as it allowed me to transform and heal with such grace and speed that at times I could not believe that what was happening was real. It was a great fit for me because of my extreme personality and hard-core approach to life. I had spent a large portion of my lifetime exploring 'the edge,' and had taken many risks along the way. What I found in Kundalini Yoga was more intriguing to me than anything I had yet experienced. What I found was an almost instantaneous connection with the deepest parts of myself. It was as though through the postures, the breath, the mantra and meditation that I was meeting myself for the first time.

I do believe that all spiritual paths lead to the same universal truth. I believe that through the teaching of Kundalini Yoga I am moving towards that universal truth, finding myself and sensing my Grace. I now realise in my life that I am the Grace of God. All my life my Mum told me she wanted me to be Graceful and it is only now that I know what that means. I choose to remain conscious of my emotions and my behaviour; I know that I am guided by my higher self and trust in the divine to guide me.

Teaching Kundalini yoga is the greatest honour. The experience is like entering into a field of pure light energy and allowing it to channel through me into the realities of my students. Since starting to teach I have learned to trust myself and my innate wisdom. I have come to cherish my inner growth above all else. It is not an easy path as I am faced with the reality of all the aspects of myself that are clearing and changing.

It can be overwhelming at times, but what I try to remember is that all discomfort is temporary. It is on its way out. If I can commit to a daily practice, whether it is doing a three minute meditation before bed or getting up at for early morning sadhana, the changes will occur and after a period of time life will become blissful, beautiful and full of grace.

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

The Aquarian Era

"One thing you have to be more than anything else, you have to be you. Nothing less than you will work. You minus ego is always you. You with your ego is always not you.” Yogi Bhajan

What is the Aquarian Age?


To some people, the Age of Aquarius is nothing more than a feel-good, utopian slogan dreamed up by a bunch of hippies. Even now, many still scoff at the notion that any kind of positive change will happen just because some people said it would happen. While this might be the case for the moment, it is hard to ignore the fact that major changes are indeed underway all over the world, seemingly directing our attention to the idea that a “paradigm shift” of some kind is taking place.

The Aquarian Age marks the transition into new ways of "being" within the evolution of humanity. The vibrational frequency of the planet has been steadily increasing and we are currently on the cusp leaving the Piscean age behind and it has been predicted that we will be fully in the Aquarian Age by 2012.

But just what is it that we are shifting into…and away from? To put it simply, we are shifting away from old, fear-based habits and imagining a whole new reality for ourselves - a reality based on hope rather than despair, of abundance rather than lack, of peace rather than war, of contentedness rather than yearning, and of connectedness rather than separation. We are awakening to the fact that a new era is upon us, and that we have the ability to help create the hopeful future we desire for ourselves and this planet.

The Piscean Age was ruled by machines, hierarchies and ego. The New Aquarian Age will be ruled by awareness, intuition, wisdom (lived knowledge) and experience. The mind is changing its sensitivity, it's basic frequency and functioning. Our life is changing its sense of time, space, and reality.

I have been hearing about this Age of Aquarius for years now. I remember singing the song from Hair in my primary school concert. Back then I had no idea, no concept of what any of this meant. Now I truly believe that we are standing at the threshold of the Aquarian frontier. There are just too many coincidences to ignore the idea that, at this very moment, we are experiencing a deconstruction of the old and an emergence of the new, faster than anyone could have predicted. These changes are happening just when our ancestors said they would. By now, most people have heard about the end of the Mayan calendar on the winter solstice of 2012, but there are many, many other indicators that all seem to be pointing to this very same moment.

For years I have enjoyed the time 11:11. I get quite excited about the clock turning over to that time and often wait for it and then can’t stop looking at the numbers until the next minute finally clicks over on my digital clock.

I recently discovered that there is a unique phenomenon sweeping the globe, which involves people feeling oddly “triggered” whenever they see the numerals 11:11 on their digital clocks and watches. This has been going on for years now, and what’s so fascinating is the fact that these people have independently come to the conclusion that they are being “woken up” to the idea that humanity is standing at some sort of “gateway” on the path of our expanding spiritual awareness.

Come and celebrate with me and the Adelaide Kundalini Yoga Community on 10.11.11 the evening of the full moon.

Welcome in this new age together marking the transition into new ways of "being" within the evolution of humanity. Awaken to the fact that a new era is upon us, and that we have the ability to help create the hopeful future we desire for ourselves and this planet.

Join an evening of yoga and meditation from 9pm to 1am on 10/11/11 at The Box Factory, 59 Regent Street South, Adelaide. For more information contact me on info@rarestgem.com.au

Let us manifest a magnificent experience blessing mother earth as we shift into The Aquarius Age.

Sunday, 2 October 2011

Why do you cry at Yoga?

Yesterday I held the first of many community classes. These classes will be held on the first Saturday of every month. The class covers topics such as how Kundalini Yoga came to the West, the benefits of this yoga, Kundalini Energy, Tuning In, Pranayam, what is a Kriya, Meditation, Mantra, Bandhas and more. There is time for discussion at the end of the class and yesterday one of the participants asked me “Why does this yoga make you cry?”

We had done a lovely Kriya and meditation and at the end of class a few of the participants had some tears. Often you may cry during a yoga session as it releases stored emotions. Sometimes you do not even know why you cry and the emotional energy is seemingly unrelated to the specific moment at hand. This is quite normal, it happens and as a teacher I have seen if often.

Our bodies store emotion, and yoga can help with the release of our emotions. The best thing you can do when you feel a strong emotion is not to be afraid or alarmed by it. Let the emotion come out, don’t try to suppress it. Yoga is a great way of moving these patterns through you. I suggest neither blocking nor trying to analyse these feelings as they emerge during your practice. Simply stay with the feeling-tone itself and notice the way it affects your experience in your body. Depending on the shade of the emotion, you might experience sensations like a change in your breath rhythm, tightness in the belly or restrictions in the chest or a heaviness of heart with tears in your eyes.

When we store a lot of emotion or trauma in the body, the energy flow is blocked. Yoga begins to open the flow of energy and this causes an emotional release. Accept it, embrace it, it is ok to cry and then when you are ready it is ok to let go of that emotion. This can be a very healing experience.

Tuesday, 30 August 2011

Transformation

I have left behind Zoloft. I have been taking this for anxiety for 10 years and last week I took my last. I've had a very strange week since. I feel very emotional and have been quite teary. It scares me a little but I have come to the realisation that maybe this is ok. My tears are not that of anxiety, sadness or misery but of love and joy. My heart appears to be open and I feel very connected to all.

On Sunday I was involved in a yoga festival here in Adelaide. Just a small event but the Kundalini Yoga teachers here worked together to grow Kundalini Yoga. It was a wonderful afternoon and all that came enjoyed themselves. My part in the day was to start with some breathwork followed by a small talk and a Kriya. My talk was about transformation and I'd like to share it......

Kundalini Yoga was first taught in the West by Yogi Bhajan in 1969 at the height of the hippy era. He felt that the young people of the time were disrespecting themselves with drugs and alcohol and free love. He felt so much compassion for these people he began teaching this wonderful technology. Previously it had been secret only being handed from Master to Disciple. Yogi Bhajan felt so strongly about what was happening in the western world at that time and he helped these men and women transform their lives. Thanks to him I found my teacher GuruJivan Kaur Khalsa and transformed my life into what it is today.

You may have noticed how many things in life are changing, transforming. Many of us are searching for something but not sure what that is. Some of us are seeking a more spiritual life or at least a calmer more peaceful existence.

You may also have noticed how time seems to be speeding up, from moment to moment, hour to hour, week to week, month to month and year to year. The whole of humanity is changing. We are more aware now than we have ever been before, we know what is happening on our planet. This is thanks to more transformation – the transformation of technology. We are closer to each other than we have ever been, we communicate more regularly than ever before. Many of us have TVs, radios, computers, smartphones and other technologies that helps us to communicate with each other and our world.

Over the last two decades we have been moving towards the Aquarian Age. This has been a great transformation and will continue to be once we move through the cusp on the 11th of November this year. We have left behind the Piscean Age. This era was all about technology, business, economics. It has been an era where we look after ourselves. Moving into the Aquarian Age will require us to become connected to each other steering away from the “me” and embracing the “we”. We will start seeking out community and family. We will integrate into others’ lives with love and compassion and leave being the need to compete with each other. Communication will once again transform, we will start to communicate from the heart.

All experience brings you closer to someone, your community. Every experience transforms us and every person we touch is transformed.

Sat Nam

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

The last couple of months

It's been awhile since I blogged. Funny I thought this would be easy but I have found it rather difficult putting myself out on the interweb. I usually don't find it hard to talk about my issues but actually writing them is difficult. So where to start.... well I went on a Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training Level 2 retreat a couple of months ago and life has been very different since.

I realised that I often take my life too seriously, which makes me scared so I loose events in my life. I suppress them so that I don't have to deal with them. I suppose many people do this. Part of the training was to look at what has been in my life, where I was, what happened and how I reacted. It meant that I actually had to acknowledge events that were quite painful for me, some I had totally forgotten about. Through this "rebirthing" process I found who I am, who I have always been, my Sat Nam!

I realised that many of the events in my teenage years taught me kindness. I have always said I wish to live a life of compassion and to be helpful to others but I didn't know where this came from. Well it comes from way back when I was 16!

In amongst all this change I have found a GP who is going to help me get of my medication (if possible). I have totally changed my diet - no sugar and no yeast. It appears that I have had a yeast infection since my childhood which has caused problems with my hormone system. To rectify it I have changed my diet. Sometimes I still crave sugar but that is getting less and less and when I eat it..... oh boy is it sweet and the next day I am so itchy. I definitely have a major addiction to this stuff. Moved from one to the next - addiction that is. So what is going to be my next one. I'm hoping it will be a little more positive than the last few.

The other thing that has happened is my beautiful partner is not as well as he should be. He has found out he has some tumours in his neck and needs to have them removed surgically. I am quite scared. I love this man with all my being and hate seeing him unwell and in pain. The tumours are benign we think but it is still strange knowing that he needs to have two big surgeries over the next few months. It makes me realise how lucky he and I have been. We have lived together for the last 16 years and it has been wonderful. It doesn't feel like that long. We laugh together and life is joyful. We have a beautiful home not far from Adelaide city and two cute cats. Life with him is bliss.

As usualy my life seems to have packed in too much in a short time, but I think that's me. I seem to cope better when everything happens at once. I am hoping that I can stop taking my medication, that my partner's health and wellbeing returns and that I can actually complete my Sadhana practice soon.

Thanks once again for reading.

Sunday, 24 July 2011

Yoga for Money

I teach children on the Autism Spectrum and love it! I have recently been having difficulty filling this class on Saturday mornings and I suspect it is due to the fact that yoga is just another thing that costs. You see these children have many needs. I see them going to therapies every week, some every other day – speech pathology, occupational therapy, podiatry, psychology, naturopathy etc etc etc…… I could keep going. I really feel for the parents as it costs so much money to have these different treatments/therapies. So when it comes to something like yoga there is no money left.

These children are so special and I want to be able to contribute to their lives in some way and teaching yoga is a way that I can do this. I started teaching this class about a year ago and it has given me, the parents and the children much joy. I learn as much from them as they learn from me.

Maybe I should tell you a little about the classes I conduct. I am trained in the Kundalini Yoga tradition and use this as the basis of my class. My classes include the parents – they have a very active role participating in the yoga as well as assisting their child. So not only does the child learn yoga but also the parent. My idea behind this is so that when the child has a “meltdown” may be some of the techniques used in a yoga class can be used to help them and the parent. The yoga helps with many things such as reduces hyperactivity, balances emotions, and improves concentration, co-ordination, and self-control.

Anyway the class starts with a game to introduce each other so that we have some social interaction at the beginning, this way the children understand that we work together and it helps them feel a little more comfortable. There are no rules about joining in as sometimes the children just wish to sit and watch to start. Once we have met everyone we start yoga by connecting to the breath – we breathe in three times and then start simple, fun warming up exercises.

Next we concentrate on bring awareness to the breath either by blowing a balloon, a feather, bubbles or pompoms around the room. By using both hard and soft breaths this teaches the quality of different breathing and how it can be used to calm, relax, excite etc. It is then time to move onto some postures – usually with a story. I start by showing classic postures but we move onto creating our own. The children usually come up with some great ideas. Many times we sing or use rhymes with the postures. The postures can be used at home to help with focus, balance, strength, etc.

We usually play a yoga game each class and the children have lots of fun with this, so do the parents. After our game it’s time for a little relaxation. I do this first by sitting and tensing different muscle groups, showing how it feels to relax different parts of the body and then we all lie down and feel the relaxation through the body.

The class ends with the same song each week
May the long-time sun shine upon you,
All love surround you
And the pure light within you
Guide your way on.

So my dilemma is how much do I charge for the 40 minute class. I need to earn $40 to cover my costs each week. Hire of the hall, printing, equipment etc. I originally started this class with a speech pathologist and we charged quite a lot of money. I then reduced it so that is $20 per class – payable by term, but I have no takers for next term. I am very disappointed so I am pondering how much I should charge.

I believe that there needs to be an exchange of energy between me and the participants in the yoga class. I would like to think that what I offer is meaningful and worthy of payment. For me I’d like to cover my cost each week and earn a little but what is most important is that I teach these kids. I feel that I have something to offer that is not offered anywhere else.